


let me find a new warmth in your arms

by honeyseong



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Cold Weather, F/M, Fluff, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, had a huge writing block, idek what to write for the tags lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23424829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyseong/pseuds/honeyseong
Summary: You're cold.
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 163





	let me find a new warmth in your arms

You always felt cold: a trivial matter. A thick sweater usually fixed the problem. So did drinking hot cocoa, being under the covers, and snuggling up next to a particular white-haired demon, but it was especially chilly today. The winter season showed no remorse to a human like you, and you were struggling to move. Senses numbing, you could barely see past your frozen tears.

Maybe today wasn’t the right day to have a huge breakdown.

Mammon called out to you, your name on his lips like it was the only word he knew. He refused to enter the room, standing outside as the light from the hall poured in. He could see his shadow on the floor, motionless. Gripping the door handle tightly, his knuckles turned white, palms beginning to sweat. No reply. The demon called out to you again- panicked, hesitant.

“Uhh…” he was at a loss for words. What could he possibly say? You were face down on your desk, hunched over, legs full of dark red carvings, a pair of long scissors dangling from a trembling hand. You hadn’t said a word, hadn’t even sobbed aloud. You were motionless, might’ve been dead if it weren’t for the visible shaky heaves of your torso every time you breathed.

Mammon felt like puking, air heavy in his lungs and a pressure around his neck. He didn’t know what to do; it felt all so surreal, seeing your typically cheery self in this devastating disposition. His mouth quivered, eyes glossing over with tears that sprung out from ten emotions at once. He was frozen in place, shaking like a coward.

Lord, tell him it was just a dream. Tell him that he’d wake up and find your limbs entangled with his under the sheets. Tell him that he’d find you smiling as brightly as ever. But he knew. There was no use hoping. He saw the blood stained on your legs, the hem of your skirt tainted with dark crimson. He was there and it was real and he knew there was no way he could just leave you here by yourself.

“What… what are you doing?” Mammon’s voice was thinning out, thoughts swarming like hornets in his brain. Why wasn’t he doing anything? Why couldn’t he move?

After a few seconds, you shifted in your seat. Turning your head still laid on the table, you faced him. He looked back, locking gazes with puffy red eyes gleaming in the dim light of the room. Your cheeks were drenched with tears. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just go to you? Why was he always so pathetic?

“Mammon…” You trailed off, voice soft and sad. You sniffled.

“Yes?” came his immediate reply. He took a step into the room.

“Why are you here?” 

“I- I just wanted-” You cut him off with a cough.

“I feel like fucking trash.” Each word was slow, dragged out on your tongue as if every syllable hurt. But there was a faint smile on your face, the edges of your mouth turned upwards in some crooked way. It scared him.

Mammon’s body moved on its own, hurrying to your side, kneeling down to meet your gaze. 

“Wh- what can I do?”

“You don’t have to do anything. Just stay here with me.”

“But you’re obviously not okay!” An understatement.

You still had that same smile. Bringing a finger up to your lips, you murmured a soft ‘shh’ as if telling him that it wasn’t a big deal. Mammon was panicking, muttering gibberish to himself while running a hand through his hair.

“I-I need to call someone.”

“Please don’t.”

“I just- I don’t… Someone else will know what to do.”

“Stay… please…” your voice was breaking.

Mammon stood back up.

“I’m going to get Lucifer.”

“Hey, h-hey, don’t leave!” Your expression changed, eyes wide as you stared at him slowly back out towards the door. The blood dripping down your legs left crimson trails cold on the skin. You could only watch him leave, reaching out into the air and grasping nothing.

“I don’t know what to do!” The demon threw his hands in the air, shouting. “You need someone responsible right now to take care of you, and frankly, we all know I’m the least capable among my brothers! Just let me help you by getting someone here!”

“NO!” you screamed, grabbing his arm. Your throat burned, and tears stung your eyes. “Please. You’re fine Mammon. You’re good. Don’t leave me.” 

He paused, only to give you a sad look.

“Please don’t tell anyone about this,” you continued.

Mammon only nodded, expression almost unreadable as he weaved his hands through yours. You widened your eyes in surprise.

“I-” you hesitated, squeezing his hand harder. “I’m so tired.”

At that point, you broke. Sobs tore through your lungs, out of your sore throat into the space of the room where you could no longer hold back the tears.

“Why,” you spoke in between painful cries and hiccups , “are you… so… nice to me? I’m not worth any of your time. I’m just going to make you miserable. Why do you even care about me?” 

Mammon paused. His heart beat erratically, but he felt strangely calm.

“We both know the answer to that.”

You were silent for a moment. Mammon frowned, placing a hand on your head. Looking up at him, your eyes shimmered in the moonlight, tears still fresh on your cheeks like dew after a morning rainshower. You opened your mouth to say something, but the words were caught in your throat. It was getting darker.

Mammon inched closer to you. You could feel the warmth of his body.

“Let’s patch up these wounds, okay?”

You nodded, letting yourself get carried to the bed. The sheets were cold from the winter air, but laying there was much softer than lying at your desk. Staring at the ceiling, your eyelids began to droop. You could feel the pressure on your legs as Mammon treated them. It was with a tenderness so unlike his usual impatient personality that you couldn’t help but smile. He really cared for you, and you had a hard time believing it for the longest time. It was more than the bold declarations of love and fits of jealousy in front of his brothers— it was the quiet times where you’d just be alone together, calm in each other’s presence. Those were the only times you truly believed there was nothing wrong with the world.

“Mammon?” you asked, with a voice so frail that you didn’t expect him to be listening.

“Yes?”

“Can you stay here with me?”

“I’m already here with you.”

“Oh.”

You didn’t realize how dry your eyes were until you finally closed them from fatigue; sobbing really did take up a lot of energy. The dryness stung, and tears began to form under your eyelids, but you were doing better than before. The hard part was staying okay. Trying to fight off the temptation of sleep, you heard Mammon shift on the bed and shuffle into the covers beside you. Neither of you said a word.

You were falling asleep. It was already dark outside anyway, so the remaining six brothers were probably preparing for bed, too. The lamp from your table gave the room a warm glow, a comforting atmosphere among the other calming items in the room. Figure one: your treasured potted plants. Figure two: your huge, soft bed. Figure three: the demon on said bed. 

You had always huddled up close together those other nights when you’d watch movies, but it was different today. You were relaxed. You were with the one you loved. It was a perfect scene. Why were you still so unhappy?

The empty feeling in your chest settled, and the nausea came in shortly after. You jolted upwards, looking for water to drown out the unsettling feeling. Mammon moved beside you, patting your back.

“Are you okay?”

You hummed in response. You wanted to puke. It was so cold. Stumbling out of bed, your legs felt numb, muscles aching from the deep cuts you had so boldly etched just earlier in the night. The bandages were turning brown; you’d have to change them later. Regret simmered inside you, growing stronger and stronger as you tried to stand. Wobbling, you made your way to the mini-fridge, taking out the jug of water and chugging straight from it. Water dribbled down your mouth, like you were some desperate, parched creature.

“What are you doing?” Mammon stood up, concern written all over his face.

“I feel like trash.” Your mouth twitched.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No… I- I just need some water.”

After placing the jug back into the fridge, you switched off the lamp and clambered back into the covers, pulling Mammon in with you. You snuggled in closer, leaning into his chest and closing your eyes as you felt the weight of his arm over your waist. Mammon was here with you, he always was, but he couldn’t protect you from your own mind.

A breakdown was just on the horizon. It hurt. Your heart felt so heavy and it hurt so much and you couldn’t even cry because you were simmering just below the tipping point. You lost the energy to sob and let it all out. The one you treasured with all your heart was right there next to you but he always felt so far away into the light, while you were stuck in the pit of your own darkness. You were stuck in limbo— between an unsettling calmness and a devastating sadness and you couldn’t seem to grab a hold onto the hand reaching out to you.

You saw him all the time, the twinkle in his eyes and the glint of his pearly whites whenever he smiled. The feeling of his soft hair in your hand was imprinted in your memory. He didn’t see you the way you saw yourself. It was strange. You wanted to tell him about your day, let him wait by your door in the mornings and have movie nights together. You wanted to lay in his arms and cry. But you couldn’t help feeling like a burden all the time.

You were scared for when the sun would rise, for when you’d be out in the light and maybe he’d notice all your flaws and leave you for good.

“What’s going to happen tomorrow?” your voice came out as a whisper.

“What do you mean?” the demon whispered back. His breath was warm on your hair.

“My legs… everyone’s going to notice.”

The Avatar of Greed held you closer.

“Do you not want them to know?”

“I just don’t want your brothers treating me any differently. I don’t want to be pitied.”

“Then you can tell them that tomorrow.”

“Or, I could just wear tights.”

“I’m sure you’d look really cute in them!” You lightly punched his arm, flustered.

“H-how can you just say those things so calmly?”

“I’m not calm,” he laughed. You smiled to yourself.

“Nighty night, Mammon.”

“‘Night.”

Closing your eyes, you fell asleep to the sound of Mammon’s heartbeat: a rhythmic, soothing drum that drowned out the noise of your thoughts. You felt warm for once.

**Author's Note:**

> i was really mad at the om! devs for continuing to pump out events but now i am less mad and more mad-ly in love with mammon so here you go: the child born from the emotions i've been going through recently.
> 
> i'm thinking of getting twitter again


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